Blink's Suicide
by Morning Glory Conlon
Summary: Blink's life is spiraling out of control and old memories are plaguing him. Find out what happens when he can't control anything any more and the world seems against him.
1. How this story is set up

I am taking a different approach to this story. The first chapter you will read is like the ending of the story only it is the first chapter. In the following chapters after it will explain what lead up to the chapter you first read where he kills himself. I am not sure how to explain this to you all. Keep reading and when I am finished with the story I hope you understand it.  
  
Morning Glory.Sketches.Spit Fire 


	2. Death Came too Early

**Author's note: **This is just the beginning of the story. The details will develop around this. If you have any questions leave them in the review section and I will answer them in my writing. It would be greatly appreciated. In the falling chapters you will learn about the deaths of his siblings, his family, friends, and how he became a newsie.

Blink looked at everyone in the bunkroom, why were they all turning on him? Had he hurt every one that bad? He turned not listening to any one who was yelling at him. He couldn't handle it any more every thought was plaguing him and he couldn't push them away. 

Blink ran off down the street he headed to an old apartment building. The clouds above hung heavy in the sky threatening a horrible storm and the air was laden with moisture. He went up to where he used to live and sat in the room. He looked around and the tears flowed down his cheeks. Every thing was dusty, tattered, and torn. Only when Blink looked at everything it looked as if it was new. In his thoughts he could see the sunlight streaming through the window above the sink, illuminating the room so the colors showed vivid. Blink could see his younger siblings walking into the room. Laughing, joking around, having fun and leading a care free life. A loud crash of thunder snapped him out of his daze and the room went back to being its dark, dull, drab state. 

His sister and Brother's deaths were his entire fault; if he had never turned his back on them they'd be alive. He remembered that night when his parents told him it was his fault and they could never forgive him for it. '_How could you be so irresponsible? They were your own family. They are never coming back. I want you out of my house.' _ He could hear his father's words over and over again. While his mother sat in a chair and cried.

 He walked to were the old bathroom everything was like he remembered. If he was right there were some blades somewhere in there. Blink opened the cabinet and searched through it till he found what he wanted and pulled out and old rusted blade. He sat on the floor and leaned back against the wall. His hands began to tremble and the memories and the thoughts flooded his head till they were all mixed together and he couldn't tell one from the other, "It was all my fault they told me it was. I have hurt some many people it's time to put an end to it." He dragged the blade against his wrist hard as he could. The pain shot through his writs, it was an indescribable pain that he had never felt before. The warm crimson blood flowed from his wrists and down his arms. Blink watched the blood not even feeling anything; he felt no remorse. The blood soaked into his shirts and pants; spilling everywhere. He closed his eyes feeling weak as the blood drained from his body and down to the floor. His thoughts began to slow and he could tell them apart again. The blood collected around Blink seeping into the hardwood floor. 

Blink was going to die where his life began. Everything was fading into the background and going fuzzy. He could hear the rain pounding outside, but as he began slipped into consciousness all sounds, smells, feelings became softer and more out of touch.  Blink slumped to the ground the blade falling to his side. Blink's thoughts seemed to be put at rest as he took his last few breaths. He would never get to apologize to all the people he hurt. 

Blink would never get to grow up; he would never get married and or children. Blink would never accomplish his life goals. Soon the room closed in on him. He felt two arms pick him up. He opened his eyes to see some one holding him, "Good bye." Whispered to the person who held him in there arms. For Blink's last moments he felt safe and loved.

He could hear the person talking to him, but he couldn't understand them. What was done was done there was no going back. The cuts on his wrists were too deep and he had lost too much blood to save him. Blink drew his last dieing breath closing his eyes for the last time never to be opened again.


	3. Morning Blues

**Author's note: **Everything written in italics is Blink recalling his memories. Every character in the story has a part to play and will meet up with Blink somehow later in the story. If there part doesn't seem important now you will fins that out in the chapters to come. 

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the newsies so don't sue me. The character's Pepper, Gav, and Columbia are all property of themselves. Spit Fire belongs to me. I believe that is all. Oh and a few lines in here are from a role-play done by Random and I.

 The steel gray clouds hung heavy and thick in the sky. The suns rays fought hard to shine through to light the streets. Thick moisture hung in the air wrapping around the city like a blanket. Everything was sticky and muggy, making it unbearable for every one especially the newsies as they woke for there long day of selling. A few of the newsies were awake because the heat was making it impossible for them to sleep, "Anothah day of d'is heat?" Skittery said pulling his suspenders up over his pink long johns.

            "Yeah, anuddah day of d'is oppressin' heat." Spot said using the new word he had picked up hearing an upper class couple talking about the heat wave. Spot had been spending most of his time in Manhattan claming he was bored, but they all knew he was chasing the new girl, but he was having a tough time with this girl. She wasn't going to give in to the fearless leader that easy. Spit Fire was a tough girl who was independent and didn't need any one so as she told every one.

Kloppman had come up to the bunkroom and started to wake the newsies. He pulled the pillows away from a few of them and the blankets from the newsies who dared to sleep under them. He tossed them into the center of the room where their proper owner would later reclaim them.

            Blink got up slowly not paying attention to his surroundings and what was going on around him. He ended up knocking a can of coins off of the stand hear his bunk. They clanked to the ground sparking an old memory. Blink knelt down to pick them up his hands were shaking as he did.

            "All I asked you to do was watch your brother while we took your sister to the doctors and you couldn't even do that." His father's face grew redder with every word out of his mouth.

_"But father I made all this money for the family." Blink said as he held out a trembling hand full of coins to his father.  Mr. Parker smacked his hands away sending the coins flying through the air clanking to the ground._

Once he was done picking up the coins he stood up and pulled his shirt off of the bedpost, walking towards the washroom as if he was marching to his death.  Spot looked over to Blink and watched him. Blink hadn't seemed to be him self these last few days. Something was bothering him, something that was bigger then he could handle. Spot settled back into his bunk hoping to catch a few more minutes of sleep before he actually had to get up.

            Spit Fire heard Blink knock the can of coins to the ground. She rolled over leaning back a little thinking there was more bunk behind her, but there wasn't. Fire fell out of her bunk putting her hand down to try and break the fall, but only ended up landing on her wrist pretty hard, "Why does that have to happen to me?" She said to herself.

            Spot opened his eyes and heard Spit Fire yell out. He sat up and noticed her on the floor. He started laughing. He had a small hangover from drinking the previous night, but he could still laugh at Spit Fire.

            Spit Fire rubbed her wrist painfully, "Ow...shit." She said standing up, "You are always laughing at me." Spit Fire glared at Spot.

            Spot smirked and rubbed his temples, "Yeah, well, it gives me somethin' ta smile 'bout in da mornin' at a time like dis." He looked at her and shrugged, "Hey, I gives you full right ta laugh at me...but yous don't." He smirked and got out of bed, back to rubbing his head, 'Oh it hoits this 'smorin'.'

            Spit Fire looked at Spot and then walked into the washroom. She cradled her arm so no one would hit into her, "I will laugh at you next time you seriously hurt yourself." Spit Fire said to him blinking back tears. She wasn't going to allow her self to cry. Spit Fire saw Blink in the washroom. She watched him, as he got ready, he washed his face and walked through the washroom as if he was in a trance.

Spit Fire filled a basin with water and dunked her head into it. She pulled her hair up into a messy bun, but it was hard since there was shooting pain through her wrist. Blink walked passed her, "Hey Blink you alright?" She asked him.

            "Huh?" He asked looking at her as if he had been snapped out of a unpleasant dream, "Oh, ah, yeah I'se fine." Blink didn't want to any to try and figure out what was wrong with him.

            "Okay, well if you need to talk or anything…just let me know, okay?" She asked placing a hand on his arm. Blink looked at her hand and then pull his arm back.

            "I don' need tah tawk." He said thinking she was trying to force him to tell her what was wrong. A hurt expression fell upon his face as if he was slipping back into the trance Spit Fire had just snapped him out of, "I'se goin' tah sell." 

            _"Can't you do anything right boy?" His father shouted at him, "You are going to drive us to an early grave."_

_            Nothing Blink did was ever good enough for his father and his mother sat by watching this go on. She was too afraid to stand up to her husband, "I'm..I'm…s-s-sorry." Blink stuttered as he got to his feet and tried to get to his room and lock the door before his father tried to beat him again._

            "Alright." Spit Fire watched him walk out of the washroom and over to his bunk. Blink grabbed his hat and pulled it on even though it was too hot to wear one.

            Spot watched Blink walk out of the lodging house.  He wondered what was wrong with him. Then Spit Fire walked out of the washroom and caught his attention, "You'se shoah yer wrist is okay?" He asked her.

            Spit Fire looked down at her now purple wrist, "Yeah I am sure. It's fine." She kept her eyes glued to Blink. She had only seen him like this one other time and it hadn't been good.

            Gav lay on her bunk dressed and ready to go sell, but she didn't want to move from where she was. It was to sultry out for her to want to move. Gav saw Blink walk over to his bunk and grab his hat. He pulled it on not caring how hot it was outside. Gav jumped up and walked over to him, "Yah aren' goin' tah wear yer hat in d'is kind of weathah are ya?" She asked.  

            Blink didn't seem to hear her, "Blink…." She was concerned about him. He had been acting weird for the last few day, "Hey what's wrong?" She asked him quietly placing a hand on his arm. Blink and Gav had been going out for a few weeks now. They had promised to tell each other every thing no matter how painful it was.

            "Gav…" He said as if he had just noticed that she was talking to him. Blink had a smile on his face that you could tell was forced, "We'se still gonna meet at Tibby's latah righ'?" Blink asked, "Make shoah you'se tell Pepper too."

            "Yeah, we'se still meetin' at Tibby's latah." Gave said trying to read Blink, but she couldn't. Blink nodded and then walked out of the lodging house. Gav watched him leave and her heart sank thinking he was keeping something important from her. Then headed over to find Pepper, Blink's best friend.

"Heya Pepper, do you know whad's wrong wid Blink?" She asked. Pepper had just finished getting ready and looked at the door Blink had just walked out of, "He's been acting weird."

            "I ain't to shoah." She said to Gav. Pepper and Blink where the best of friends and Blink normally told her everything about himself and every little secret. Pepper knew that he was keeping something from her and she felt a little betrayed. "We are still meetin' at Tibby's latah right?"

            "Yeah." Gav nodded and then went to go find Columbia so they could go sell.

*************

            Blink walked towards the distribution center to get his papers. He walked into a few people because he wasn't paying attention to where he was going, "Sorry ma'am." Blink said as he knelt down to pick up her bags.

            _'Why don't you ever watch where you are going? You are going to get some one killed sooner or later if you don't stop daydreaming like that!" Mr. Parker shouted at Blink. He flinched as he father raised his hand to strike him._

_            "I didn't mean it! I am sorry father…please don't hit me again." He cried using his hands to try and protect himself from his father's beating._

            He handed the lady the last item from on the ground. Blink stayed kneeling for a few seconds trying to recollect him self as he sank lower into his depression.


	4. Anxiety, Friends, and Memories

            Blink finally stood up after he regained his composure and headed towards the distribution office. When he got there the line was pretty long. It must have taken him longer to get there then he had thought. He stood impatiently in line. Blink didn't want to be around all these people knowing some one was going to ask him what was going on and he didn't want that. 

            The line moved ever so slowly towards the front of the distribution office. Blink sighed as he looked around. What kind of life was this? He never knew if he was going to have enough money for food the next day, or papers, or rent for a place to stay. Then his father's words rang through his ears.

            _'You should go out and make something of yourself boy! Not out gallivanting with the newsies! You should be working in a factory to help support your family. Do you think being a newsie is a way of life?' He shouted as Blink recoiled, 'Huh, answer me boy!'_

_            'N-n-no father…" Blink said tears pushing at the back of his eyes. Just then his father seized him by the arm and shoved him…  _

            Blink snapped out of it when he felt some one-take a hold of his arm, "Heya Blink dah lines movin' c'mon." Race said pulling his friend up towards the window.

            Blink pulled his arm from Race's grip normally he wouldn't care, but he was bothered by the memories it stirred, "I can walk tah dah window meself thank you very much." He was rather rude to his friend.

            "Alright." Race said putting his hands up in defense walking up in line and getting his papers, "So Blink yah wanna sell tagether taday? I'se goin' up tah dah tracks." Race placed a cigar in his mouth as he sat down on the platform to look through his paper for a good headline.

            "I got somethin' tah do taday Race, maybe tomorrow." Blink pulled at the collar on his shirt finding it hard to breath with his shirt buttoned up so much and the smoldering heat. He undid the first two buttons, but for some reason he was still having hard time breathing he could feel his heart rate begin to pick up.

            "Ey you okay Blink?" Race asked his friend looked a little under the weather. Blink sat down next to Race for a moment. He began to feel some pains in his chest; soon he realized he was having an anxiety attack. Blink was a little worried cause he had only had this happen once before and it wasn't fun.

            "Yeah, I'se fine. It's jus' dah heat." Blink took deep breaths and tried to relax knowing if he could the anxiety attack would pass. Race looked over at him troubled by the way his comrade was acting.

            "Well take it easy taday then." Race stood up and patted his friend on the back. Then headed out of the distribution office and up to Sheepshead's.

            Blink stayed seated till his heart rate slowed down and he could breath again. He picked up his papers placing them on one shoulder. Blink had no idea what had brought on the anxiety attack, but he brushed it aside, "Extry! Extry!" He shouted not even bothering to read the paper.

            The heat sweltered as the afternoon lazily rolled in. The distant rumble of thunder could be heard and the clouds began to roll in blocking out the sun. The air seemed to have gotten thicker and heavier making it even harder to breath. Blink had undone most of the buttons on his shirt so his under shirt was now showing. 

_'You only care about yourself you never think about others!' Blink's father struck him, 'This will teach you to think about others before yourself.'_

_            Blink crouched down covering his head and neck from his father's physically powerful blows._

He fanned himself with one of the papers. He had given up on selling papers and tossed them in the trash he didn't care whether head had money to eat or to stay at the lodging house. Blink didn't care about anything right now. He put his hands to his face as he walked and ended up walking into a lady and her two children. More memories flooded his head.

            _"Trey over here!" Abigail called to Blink taking his hand. Joshua walked over to Blink's other side and grabbed his other hand. The two of them pulled Blink down the street. The three of them laughing and playing happily together. They stopped half way down, 'Trey look what we found!"_

_'Do you think mother will let us keep the toad?' Joshua asked scooping it up in his hands._

_"I don't know, maybe.' He laughed, 'Come on lets go find out.'_

Blink looked at the lady and apologized to her, "Sorry ma'am I wasn't paying attention." For the first time in days a smile spread across Blink's face. Only to be wiped off his face and replaced by another horrible memory.

            __


	5. What Roles we Play

            **Author's Note**: This chapter is just a set up chapter for where all the other characters are. They all have parts in the story. This chapter isn't the best chapter.

 After much argument Spot finally threw his hands in the air, "Fine." He said to her, "You don't want to go, you want to be independent." He picked up a chair and slammed in front of her. Spit Fire jumped slightly, "You pick up this chair with that wrist and I'll leave it be." He said crossing his arm across his chest with a smug look on his face he knew he had won.

            Spit Fire looked at the chair and then at Spot. She gave him a nasty look, "I don't have to do what you say." Fire looked at him more intense she never did like anyone telling her what to do.

            "See I knew you couldn't do it." He said to her his smug look growing. He enjoyed when Spit Fire was so wrong and wouldn't admit it to him, "So you'se goin' tah dah doctah's now." 

            "No. I don't want to go." She said to him moving towards her bunk to grab her hat. She stayed near the edge of the bunk just out of Spot's reach. He shook his head and lunged for her. He picked her up and walked towards the door throwing her over his shoulder.

            "You 're goin' now cause I say so." He said carrying her down the street. Spit Fire screamed and tried to push herself down. Spot ignored Spit Fire's struggles to get away from him. Eventually Fire had given up and rested her elbows on his back propping her head up.

            "You suck, you know that right?" Spit Fire commented watching the back of his feet and just looking at the back of him in general.

            "Thanks Fire that means a lot coming from you." He said to her placing her down in front of the doctor's office, "Lets go." Spot pulled her in.

            "Wait…wait…." Spit Fire said digging her heels into the ground. Something had caught the corner of her eye. She was watching Blink walk up to the graveyard. Spot stopped and looked too.

            "I wondah what he's doin' theah?" Spot didn't let go of Fire. Which was what Fire had been hoping for. Spit Fire watched Blink's every movement and began to really worry about him.

            "Some one should go make sure he is okay." Spit Fire said trying to pull free from Spot.

            "We'll make sure after we get yer wrist taken care of." Spot pulled Fire in with great difficulty. The place was rather crowded today and they knew they would be there for a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Gav and Pepper had been sitting in Tibby's waiting for Blink. He was running late and they hadn't seen him all day, "I'm really worried about him." Gav said looking out of the window.

            "Me too." Pepper admitted. Blink had been worrying every one in the lodging house, not even his closet friends could find out what was wrong.

            Gav rested her head in her palms and watched the window. She saw Blink coming towards Tibby's. She sat up in her seat waiting for him to answer, but he just walked by. "That was weird." Gav said standing up. She followed Blink down the street careful to stay back a few feet.

            They walked for a while, crossing over into Brooklyn. Gav was watching Blink he didn't seem to well. His face had grown even paler since the morning. 

            Blink had stopped in front of the graveyard and Gav stopped a ways down just watching for his next move. He didn't make one; Blink just leaned back against the gate. Gav wanted to go over to him and ask him what was wrong, but he didn't look as if he wanted to be bothered. She just stood a distance away watching helplessly. Blink turned and headed back towards the lodging house.


End file.
